Current frontrunner Republican candidate Newt Gingrich backed away from comments he recently made calling child labor laws “stupid” and explained that what he really had in mind was a different 19th century solution to labor problems: slavery.
“As a professional historian,” Gingrich said, noting his status as a professional historian for the seventeenth time in a fourteen minute speech, “I am acutely aware of the fact that this country has been on the decline since 1861. While Lincoln may have been one of our greatest presidents, he still made mistakes, and my presidency will seek to reverse one of his greatest.”
Gingrich accepted that reaction to his comments about child labor laws had been negative, and called public sentiment “understandable.” He said, “People love their children and don’t want them exploited for cheap labor.” However, Gingrich noted, Republican primary voters “are not so squeamish” when it comes to exploiting racial minorities.
“This is a solution for the whole country,” Gingrich said. “Unemployment is high overall, and particularly high in black, urban neighborhoods. We can solve this problem by relying on a solution from our past. Slavery is the great institution that will both eliminate black unemployment and increase American productivity.” Gingrich added that by moving current black upper and middle class workers into manual labor “slave-type work,” white unemployment rates would drop as their former jobs were taken by white workers.
“You don’t want children working?” Gingrich asked. “Fine. Here’s a way to make America more competitive and get everyone back to work without child labor.” Gingrich ended what he called his “Demancipation Proclamation” by holding out the possibility of a return to child labor at some point in the future. “Slavery can be a short term solution, but if you really want to maximize GDP then at some point you’re going to need to be honest about the need for children in the workforce. It’s not just bobbins and and looms that small, child-sized fingers are good with. The way they can put together circuit boards is extraordinary. In today’s economy, children really are the future.”
