Head over Heels in Water

Couple’s Kayak Trip on Hudson Included Missteps and Dangers, by Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Sailing, Sailing Section correspondent. Experts Say chief among them was the fact that the husband had no life preserver. That seemed like a pretty serious misstep to Marquel, but the accused wife says it meant nothing.

“He would only drive cars which had been recalled for some safety defect. He lived on the edge.” She said.

“He was a natural risk-tasker?” Asked Marquel.

“Oh yes. Not only no life preserver, but he never wore a parachute when jumping.” She insisted.

“How many times can you do that?” I asked.

“They say you can only do it once.” She said, giggling.

“How did he survive?” I asked.

“He jumped before we took off. A few scrapes and bruises. Nothing more.” She said.

“The Times says the water was so cold that a human would instantly lose control. They said anything floating on the water would go with the wind and anything in the water would go with the current.” I said.

“Opposite directions. That’s why I said he lost his head.” She said, giggling again.

“You’ve got quite a sense of humour. You don’t seem a murderer, but then again you don’t seem a mourning widow.” I observed.

“Yes well, there’s humour in everything, even death.” She retorted.

“Wow,” I marvelled, “You’d fit right in at TPV. Want to write for us?” I asked.

“Can I bring a weapon? Maybe an assault rifle?” She asked.

“I don’t think so. No weapons. You sure you didn’t kill your husband?” I asked.

“Absolutely. All I did was say I was happy to think he was dying. He had tons of insurance.” She said.

“That’s certainly a reason to feel good,” I said.

“At least to feel rich and remember, the rich…”

I interrupted, “…are not like you and me.”

“Yes, but they gave me no credit for suddenly being not like them and you. And since when is a person a murderer simply cause they’re happy somebody’s dead. Bush was happy when Saddam Hussein died. Does that make him a murderer? When Osama bin Laden was killed, Obama was ecstatic. Does that make them murderers?” She asked.

“Not necessarily…But…in a way both were responsible. What about you?” I asked.

“No, I had nothing to do with either one. I have an alibi.” She said.

“And what about your late husband. Alibi?” I asked.

“Sure. I was in a kayak in the Hudson.” She said.