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High inFidelity

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes My Hormones Made Me Do It And Her Too Section correspondent just read that Infidelity Lurks in Your Genes, vasopressin deficiency urging women to explore a bit,  and oxytocin deficiency doing the same in men.

This was quite sensational,  thought Marquel,  but nothing we all didn’t know since puberty. At least most of us.  There are guys,  and gals,  who just take naturally to monogamy.  And then there are those who struggle hopelessly against what their vasopressin or oxytocin are urging them to do.

It reminded Marquel of the SNL skit with the angel and the devil on both sides of Dan Akroyd‘s head. But in this case they are hormones and hormone suppressors. A man with serious oxytocin suppressors is going to spread his oats far and wide. And a women with vasopressin suppressors will find her legs spreading just when those oats are coming round the bend.

So what will this mean to betrayed partners?  Will they take kindly to protests that,

“baby I adore you.  It’s that oxytocin that made me do it.  And she was so low on vasopressin I couldn’t fight her off even though I tried.”

“Oh yeah?  How long did you fight her off,  and why did you stop?”

“I fought her tooth and nail until my oxytocin was completely gone.  I had nothing left,  sweetie.  What do you do when the car runs out of gas?  You stop because it’s impossible to go on.  That’s what happened to me.  Oh how I hate my genes!”

“Well sweetheart I hope your genes have a good lawyer cause I’m suing the pants off them or whatever they wear.  Probably nothing,  right?”

Or picture the betrayed husband.

“How could you do this? ” He asks.

“Oh sweetheart I didn’t do anything.  It was my vasopressin.  It was all gone.  I was an innocent bystander. I saw the whole thing happen.  I was out of vasopressin.  I couldn’t fight him off any longer.  And he didn’t have more than a drop or two of oxytocin left. I couldn’t get him off of me! ”

“So he raped you. ” the husband asserts.

“To tell the truth it was more like his genes raped my genes.  And my genes encouraged him even though I was infuriated and called them good for nothing hormone trash. ”

” So what are we going to do,  make a complaint against his genes?” Asks the husband.

The police have the same reaction.

“You want us to arrest his genes?  Are you nuts?  Did he rape you or not? ” they ask.

“His genes raped me.  He ran out of oxytocin.”

The same is likely to happen in court.  The jury will come back with an impossible verdict.

“Your honour,  we find the defendant’s genes guilty of rape.  We could not reach a unanimous conclusion  about the defendant himself.”

The problem is,  if you’re short of oxytocin or vasopressin, you really can’t do anything about it. They’re talking about an aerosol spray. You might use it on your spouse in the morning along with deodorant and hair spray.

“Here,  I’m going to make myself irresistible to the opposite sex at the office today,  and I’ll spray a bit of this hormone on me to make sure I’m just teasing. “

And if you forget the right spray or use the wrong one…?

Perhaps free will will make a comeback but Marquel doesn’t really believe it.  There’s such a thing as excessive temptation. Apparently it’s right in our genes.

***

By MARQUEL: High inFidelity

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