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Hillary’s First Twenty

Treasury Sticks to Plans for a Woman on the $10 Bill, Despite Hillary Clinton’s Displeasure, read Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Ladies’ Room Section correspondent.

No men allowed, says Hill, “It’s a woman’s bill.” She says, throwing democracy and equality to the wind.

If we were in France there would only be one left because fraternité would be out the fenêtre as well. Only liberté would remain. Hillary is really kind of a destroyer. And very French. Après moi, le deluge seems her subtext to almost anything.

What’s wrong with a man and a woman sharing a bill? Wondered Marquel. He can channel Eleanor Roosevelt (or any other left-leaning public figure) and she says she’s all for it. This segregation favored by Hillary was declared illegal in Brown v. Board of Education in the very early fifties. Kind of.
Perhaps we’ll have to take to busing all the women to the mint. Or the men. Whoever’s being excluded. This is going to decrease diversity in currency. The consequences…Marquel couldn’t remember what’s wrong with a lack of diversity but he knew it wasn’t good.
Marquel called Hillary headquarters.
“Can I tell her who’s calling?” They asked.
“Marquel from TPV.” Marquel answered.
There was noise on the other end. The words, “Oh, him again,” were audible.
“She’s kind of busy,” said the Hillary staffer. “Can I help you?”
“Why not, one woman’s the same as every other,” he said, “That’s why we can’t have men sharing a bill with a woman, right?” said Marquel, knowing that would blind her to the insult he started with.
“Hillary thinks that after centuries of men, to have only women would be a good way of righting a wrong.” She said.
“But I always thought that the way to right a wrong is to do it right, not the same wrong in the opposite direction.” Said Marquel.
“It’s not wrong to have only women on the bill, is it?” She asked.
“I think maybe so if it’s wrong to have only men. The sauce and the gander? Remember?” I suggested.
She was perplexed. I heard her put her hand over the receiver, and yell, “the sauce and the gander?”  Somebody called back, “reduction with balsamic.”
She returned to me. “Whatever. no matter what you’re serving it’s time we had women on our bills.”
“Sounds like you’re missing the point. But what’s this about the ten dollar bill being beneath Hillary?” I asked.
“Who ever uses tens anymore? Plus it relates to Hillary’s youth. She was once offered a ten and she insisted on twenty and got it. For her it’s a sign of good luck.” She said.
“Either that or a rich John. I thought it might remind her of the drug industry.” I answered, “But if they use the twenty are they going to give Jackson the boot?” I asked.
“Yeah, he’s a disgrace.” She said.
“I’ll leave that to Hillary. She’d know better than I.” I said. “So who do you think should be on the new bill?”
“Hillary of course.” She said.
“Does Hillary agree?” I asked.
“Yes but she’s too modest.”She said.
I laughed so hard my drink came out my nose. I stuttered, “Yes too modest. And who on the other side?” I asked.
“Chelsea. It’ll give her a boost.” She said.
“But it’s not for a boost. It’s a reward for having done something heroic.” I said.
“I don’t think so. Hillary said Jackson would never have been elected if he hasn’t been on the bill. It’s priceless publicity.” She said.
For another of too many times lately I was worried about my country.
***
By MARQUEL: Hillary’s First Twenty

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