[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaQvqhtCYW0[/embedyt]Marquel was teaching the times tables to new immigrants, when he read The Worst Voter Turnout in 72 Years. (http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/11/12/opinion/the-worst-voter-turnout-in-72-years.html?referrer=&_r=0). According to the Times, voter turnout for this past election was the lowest in three quarters of a century. It’s now below 33%. Why would it be going down in the era of Fox News when absolutely everything is being politicized? Marquel pondered this mystery but seemed to be going nowhere with it. And he didn’t know who would have the answer.
Karl Rove! Who else would want voting as low as possible? Marquel gave Karl a call and got him on the first ring.
“Karl Rove” said the voice.
“Marquel here.”
“Marquel, how are you? How’s the Pothole?” He asked.
“Not bad. I’ve got a question for you.” I said.
“Shoot.” He said.
“How’d you get the turnout so low this past election?” I asked.
“Simple. Make it seem preordained. We even had the Times predicting a Republican victory. They’re such turds.”
“But wouldn’t that just have energized the Democrats?” I asked.
“Not if you make it seem a fait accompli” he said.
“And how do you do that?” I asked.
“It’s hard work, Marquel. We’ve been working on this since the Reagan years.” He said.
“What have you been doing that’s so hard?” I asked.
“First you need a plan.” He asserted.
“Okay,” I said, “let’s say you have a plan. What is it?” I asked.
“The plan is to reduce voting to three or four people. You get those three or four people, you win every election. Eventually you could do away with them.” He said.
“Of the voters? Why would you kill those last three or four voters?” I asked.
“Not the voters. The voting. With three or four voters, you could amend the Constitution, eliminate voting, and simply incorporate the country. You could finally run it like a business.” Said Rove.
“Okay so you have the plan. How do you lower voter participation so drastically?” I asked.
“Well we just halved it in one election. We’ll halve it again. And again. We’ll reach the numbers we want.” He explained.
“But how? I don’t get it.” I said.
“It’s simple. First you dispirit the voters. Make them feel powerless. Voting becomes meaningless.” He asserted.
“How do you do that?” I asked.
“Take away their jobs. Their economic mobility. Make the rich so fabulously wealthy that everybody feels less than a cog in the machine. Take away their educations. Destroy public schools. Make college frighteningly expensive. Create recessions. Bail out the banks but not the people so everyone knows who or what is really important. Have the Supreme Court decide corporations are people. Leave real people wondering what the hell they are.” Rove said.
“”That’s quite a plan.” I said.
“And it’s working.” He insisted.
“But you’re an election expert. Without elections, what would you do?” I asked.
“You’re pretty sharp, Marquel. I’ve been thinking a lot about that myself. What does an election expert do once elections are outmoded? I really don’t know.” He complained.
“You’re not going to earn much sympathy from the rest of us if your plan succeeds.” I threatened.
“I’m used to being hated. I can take it. But my job skills are so limited. What do you think I’d be qualified to do in the new USA, Inc.?” He asked.
“A government job is always pretty secure. But with your plan there won’t be any government.” I noted.
“That’s true. But the company will have pensions. Maybe I could be in charge of that. Imagine, we’ll finally be rid of social security!” He said, sounding happy once more.
“What would you do in charge of pensions?” I asked.
He said, simply, “eliminate them!”
“Good bye Karl,” I said.
“Stay in touch, Marquel. I may need writers.”
***
BY MARQUEL: Karl. The Other Karl’s Elections
perfect pitch
ditto
ditto2
you are so right. we are fucked
loved it
excellent
Turd Blossom!
Thanks for shining some TPV light on the dark one. Made me think of (had to look this up) Jean Tinguely, and his self-destructive machines, I was surprised to learn he was Swiss – I guess we are all one big American family. And once we are USA.INC KR can be the customer greeter – thank you for shopping at America.
Liked: I’m used to being hated