Linguistic Light on a Continent’s Peopling. Close examination shows that Russians came to America before Americans

Continuing its trend of reporting non-news, The NY Times published: Linguistic Light on a Continent’s Peopling. Thank God for Marquel, TPVs Times Science and Anthropology correspondent, who located the linguistic news hiding in plain sight: Before coming to America, Russians spent 15,000 years on a missing continent part called “Beringea.”

Scientists theorize that something called the “Beringean standstill hypothesis” resulted in 15,000 years on Beringea during which time the DNA characteristic of Native Americans had time to develop.

Those conclusions however are based almost entirely on linguistic similarities and differences between Siberians and Americans. Those linguistic characteristics reveal a lot more about the Russian psychology than even the scientists first realized.

Scientists noticed the Siberian words, K’ra Miya, which roughly translated means, “Get out of here, that’s my space,” while in the ancient native American language, the same meaning is given to the single word,”Crimea.”

Similarly, the ancient native American words, Sah Bear Ya, means, “to be sent away for a long long time for nothing.” The same Ancient Russian meaning is expressed as Siberia, a word that has retained the same meaning in modern Russian, which scientists term “amazing.”

Scientists discovered that these nomads, during their 15,000 year stay in Beringea, constructed arrays of housing and village design which indicated that the population was ruled by a very small group of oligarchs at the beginning of their long stay. The function of the oligarchs seems to have been the monopolisation of wood, used for heat and fuel and otherwise plentiful in Beringea. Other oligarchs seem to have gained control of fisheries and reindeer herds, used for food as well as clothing. At the end of the 15,000 years, the Native American contingent had abandoned this social arrangement, but the Russian Siberians had not changed a bit over the millennia. “Something in the genes, I guess, noted one researcher.”

From the design of the colonies it was apparent that large numbers of people were kept locked up, including oligarchs from time to time. The confinement of oligarchs mystified the researchers. Their only explanation is that perhaps some oligarchs found themselves out of favor occasionally. There were also occasional panics, apparently caused by massive feline invasions, loosely translated as, “Kitty Riots,” although no signs, including linguistic, of such panics are found in the ancient native American tongue.

President Putin is said to be interested in the fact that America was first populated by Russians.

“We have a duty to protect Russians wherever we find them,” he recently commented, adding, “now we find a continent full of them. We owe them our patrimony.”

Scientists continue their research. They are interested in the seemingly acquisitive nature of the original Russian Siberians, as well as their tendency towards authoritarianism.

“Something else in the genes, I guess,” said the same researcher researcher with a shrug.

The archeological digs have been very difficult,”far more difficult than most,” said one scientist, because of the almost infinite layers of glass shards and clay and ceramic fragments which were apparently used as containers for the mainstay of these ancients’ diet, a potato distillate. The ancient Russian word for it was Fie ‘N Watkah. At the end of the 15000 year stay the original Siberian continent continued to live on Fie ‘N Watkah, while the proto Native American contingent had evolved to a higher level, shunning the consumption of what they termed Fier Watta.

President Putin has reportedly sent a letter to the U.N. Security Council asking that a referendum be held in North America,

“in light of this new research,” to find whether the residents favor a return to their Russian roots”, including, as he put it, “our oligarchs, our Siberia, and our Fine Vodka.”

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If you’d like to invite Marquel out for a vodka, follow him on Twitter @MarquelatTPV.