Argentina’s President Mocks Chinese Accents During Visit to China, by Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Ratin Amelican collespondent. Marquel was astonished.
The Times had clearly hired two more comics to pose as reporters, and join the rest of the comics posing as journalists at the paper where nothing is fit to print. Marquel’s eyes wandered the front page and came across this: Among New York Subway’s Millions of Riders, a Study Finds Many Mystery Microbes – Almost half of the DNA found on the system’s surfaces did not match any known organism and just 0.2 percent matched the human genome.
Marquel didn’t know which story to investigate first. He was proud of his city for being so diverse, but a little jealous that Argentina was so rude. New Yorkers had always assumed that they came in first place in that competition. Marquel imagined Evita on her balcony singing,
“Don’t cly for me…with two you get egg loll….”
What a day, thought Marquel, as he jogged through midtown looking for the Argentine mission. It was a grand looking building but inside he was faced with a secretary wearing a Charlie Chan mask.
“Lite this way,” she said.
“I leally don’t know.” She said as she escorted me to the office. I noticed that the entire mission staff was wearing Charlie Chan masks, giant thick glasses, and bowing dramatically to everything in sight, including the furniture.
“You have question? Some tea? Noodles? Flied lice?”
“Sayonawa,” the director said.
“So solly,” he said, “Ni how.”
I was soon on the A train. I looked around. I could understand the findings. Less than 0.2 per cent seemed human to me too. It seemed normal. There was one guy with his legs spread across eight seats with the bar in his crotch. Not human of course but I doubted that he even had any DNA in his body.
There was a woman pushing four strollers containing six kids. The mother was about twelve. She was feeding them and herself a massive bag of Fritos. I could see them growing as they ate. Two popped right out of their onesies as I watched. The mother, as well, popped a seam out of her stretch pants. Unknown DNA for sure. I felt comfortable with my fellow New Yorkers. We’re not human and proud of it.
But the research had shown that in the Wall Street area, parts of the upper east side, and the West village, the DNA was definitely not human. One researcher I called told me, “there’s no question that these creatures would be unable to mate with humans. It is likely they could mate with each other but no-one else.”
“Those are the areas the one per cent inhabit. Are you saying they’re not human?” I asked.
“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying they’re incompatible with normal human reproduction.” He said.
“It doesn’t explain the lack of any DNA for brain tissue.” He said.
“I see. It would be ideal for that because they would neither get distracted not bored.” He said.
“Yes, that’s our upper classes,” I agreed,” You gotta love New York.”
And the New York Times.
***
By MARQUEL: New York Is a Herruva Town
so racist, yet so funny
hey, this is uncharted territory
not if you make fun of Chinese people. For some reason Asians from all over are quite comfortable in their skin. Which is a relief
hey, uncharted territory
funny piece
loved it
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