Home By Marquel NYTimes: Court Confronts Religious Rights of Corporations

NYTimes: Court Confronts Religious Rights of Corporations

The Supreme Court will decide whether to hear an Obama administration appeal of a lower court’s ruling that a company could restrict contraception insurance coverage. Debate flourishes over exactly which religion a corporation might practice and other theological conundrums.

TPV snagged an audience with the Pope over this. The new spirit of tolerance has clearly taken over the Vatican.

“Does it really matter,” asked the Pope flashing a beatific smile. ” It’s better to have any religion than none at all, don’t you think?”

But, we asked,

Could Jesus really have died for the sins of corporations?

“My son,” continued His Popeness,

anything is possible. God is all forgiving. He can forgive corporations. You know, this is very exciting, what’s happening in America. Here in Europe we don’t really have corporations. We have anonymous businesses, S.A.s. God likes to know your name. He doesn’t go for this anonymous stuff. How could he forgive a corporation with no name?”

We continued,

What about the virgin birth?

The Pope rubbed his hands together with unconcealed excitement.

Oh that’s the best part. Most corporations are born that way.

We became restless:

Isn’t it true that most US corporations have three founders, parents, if you like. And they are usually all men. Isn’t that awfully close to gay marriage?

The Pope replied,

My son, we’ve been all through that. We have better things to occupy us, like the religious rights of corporations. Tony Scalia just called me asking which way to go on this. I told him just listen for a voice. He hears them a lot. He heard voices while deciding the Citizens United case you know.

Confused, we added:

What if most corporations were Jewish… or Muslim… or atheists?

Well if they’re atheists they’re not going to get too many holidays to celebrate are they? I think corporations like a day off now and then. And if they’re Jewish, that does seem strange to me. After all, Jews own corporations. I don’t think a corporation would adopt the religion of its master do you?

That brought up parental rights to us so we asked the Pope straight out:

What do you think about those corporations that believe in abortion?

The Pope sighed:

It is sad but unavoidable. Modernity. But I think eventually they will realize a one person business, a small partnership, even a limited liability company, are all just future corporations. It is no less murder than for humans.

We needed more details:

You’re saying a limited liability company, like a doctor’s office, is a viable corporate fetus?

The Pope retorted:

Oh in fact I say that and more. We must make way to welcome the corporations in our midst. We have prepared a White paper on this and the most important conclusion is that,  fortunately, praise the Lord as my Southern Protestant brethren would say, corporations are not poor. They don’t get food stamps, and don’t live in sin. They should tithe regularly and add a little for our discretionary spending account. I say to all corporations: God loves you and the Church loves you. We are saving front row pews for you. And parking.

Perhaps tired, the Pope did his little finger jive deal for us indicating the audience was over.

For more on our beloved corporations, go to http://nyti.ms/1cKEELm.

 

 

3 COMMENTS

  1. Marquel, you got the Pope to talk about abortion and future corporations; you go girl (or boy)!

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