Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Auto Safety and Highway Racing Section correspondent, was contemplating rollerblading, when he read Hyundai Recalls Vehicles Over Power Steering Loss.
Marquel wondered how many injuries and crashes this caused but Hyundai would only give a press release and refused any interviews. Marquel was ready to interview random motorists when he read the press release for a second time and thought, This is really all we need. Here’s the press release:
“HYUNDAI ANNOUNCES MINOR DEFECT AND RECALL.
Dear Hyundai lovers:
In the last few days we have noticed a few of our cars are not quite perfect. You might wonder how that could be so and you might even worry, is it my directional signals? The windshield washer? My two (Yes 2!) Cup holders? My bumper? My radio? My Bluetooth phone? My seat heater? Maybe my power windows or rear view mirror?
Do not worry, Hyundai lover. It is none of those important things. It is only the steering! We know that you, as well as we, are glad it wasn’t something truly vital and important. But the government requires us to notify you even if an unessential part is broken.
In this case of course, it is not essential. The car will start safely. All gears work perfectly. You can go forward at your choice of speeds, and in reverse as well. Some may experience a bit of discomfort parallel parking, but this is neither essential nor impossible. Just a little less comfortable.
In fact most of you have certainly not noticed this small challenge. Testing has revealed that if you frequent a gym, have 26″ biceps, can free lift 250lbs, or can press 500, the steering is truly picture perfect.
But we want to be sure that all of our customers, no matter what their stature and conditioning, are happy as clams in their Hyundai. Drop your car off at your dealer any time and we will restore your Hyundai to perfection. You may need someone of the stature described above(especially pressing 500 lbs) to do the driving for you. As for pushing the vehicle into the shop, we have found that four well built, young, strong, gay OR straight, men can easily get the car to a shop that is within 1/4 mile of your home.
WARNING: High speed travel on an interstate or super highway with no steering control may be problematic. We do not advise you to do this too often until this problem is fixed. Your Hyundai is as close to perfection as an article of manufacture can be. That’s why it’s called Hyundai (Korean, both north and south, for perfection, or “as perfect as our great Leader’s hair”).Thank you for buying a Hyundai. Now could be the ideal time to buy a new one. Leave your old car at home. We’ll come get it eventually, or the Department of Sanitation may actually tow it away for free!
As we say in our motto, ‘Only at Hyundai!‘ “
new style, M?
love it
suits you well
Excellent satire
Partial recall. Nice touch
I love everything about the site. It is cool and great. Calin and Marquel are great.
I had a few comments that wanted a departure from my classic interviews. Well see….