Home By Marquel The Gospel of Francis and Trump

The Gospel of Francis and Trump

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Sharia, Maria, and Torah Section correspondent, found himself so lonely that he read both

Bishops from 120 countries are debating issues that touch on the place of divorced, gay or cohabiting people in the church, and they face a Saturday deadline to present their report to the pope. But Marquel discovered it also includes Donald Trump’s plans to close all the mosques. The result would be millions of former Muslims roaming our streets. Some would surely enter St Patrick’s. What will they do?

I asked our cardinal.

“Well, according to our PRESENT pope FRANCIS,” he said, emphasizing beyond emphasis those two words as if they were a stage 15 hurricane we will have to bear for a short time, “We have to welcome everyone. Jews can become Catholics, We have to welcome gay couples, communists, even little boys without ever touching them, group masochists, group masturbatorists. What will we do with them? I guess put them in the nave until we come up with an answer. But I don’t know what that’ll be or when.”
“But isn’t inclusion good? Isn’t Francis just repeating the gospel?” I asked.
“I never heard of that gospel. If Trump wants to close the mosques, he’d better free up some of his Trump Towers space. Or maybe they could go to some of our magnificent half empty synagogues. They are after all, every one, Semites so I’d imagine they’d get along famously, don’t you?” He asked.
“I think that’s a bit naive. What about the Syrians and Kurds coming here. Welcome also?” I asked.
“Well surely in the ecumenical spirit, we could give them a nice tour and all. But I can’t imagine they’d want to stay as congregants.”
“They might,” I said, testing his sincerity, “and they usually arrive with dozens of cute young inexperienced children.” I noted.
He hesitated. “Well sure,” he said, more hesitation, “uuh, the kids could stay. They’re small. See? We’re very inclusive.”
“And the gay families?” I asked.
“That would have to depend on the building fund. They would need separate facilities, don’t you think? More comfortable with their own kind. We’re Catholics, not faggots, remember . Maybe Trump could contribute to the building fund. Just to make up for that incident in ’57.” He said.
“Separate facilities just for prayer?” I asked.
“Don’t you think for their own comfort. We’re very understanding as well as inclusive.” He insisted.
“And what about this incident in ’57?” I asked.
“Let’s not talk about it. Just know were not that inclusive.”
“Yes, I can see. You’re not that inclusive.” We hugged good bye. Very inclusively.
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