Marquel reached the Donald on a two way walkie talkie he got in a giant Cheerios box. Trump had gotten his only the day before. “So what is it,” asked Marquel, “do we all have to speak English?”
“You bet, said Trump. “Speaking Spanish is both an affectation and an affront to Mexicans. And worse it’s pandering.”
“But when can Americans speak foreign languages?” Asked Marquel.
“Perhaps when it’s necessary. But not when you’re running for publIc office. That’s just showing off and insulting.” Said the Donald, who sounded like he was twirling his rug around.
“An insult to whom? What if you’re just practicing your Finnish?” Asked Marquel.
“That’s pure affectation. Americans can’t speak foreign languages. That’s why we speak English. Everybody knows that. For an American to speak Finnish here is just to insult your neighbors by saying, ‘look what I can do .’ ” said Trump, sounding like he was lifting the rug and scratching his scalp.
“What about if you’re in a foreign country? Can you speak French in France or German in Germany?” Asked Marquel.
“Same rule. Only if necessary. You can ask where the American Embassy is, where the terrorists are, what happened to all the Jews. But anything else is pandering and showing off. We can show off by speaking English. Loudly. That’s how it’s done.” He said.
“What about ordering food?” I asked. “That’s pretty necessary.”
“Not at all. There’s always McDonald’s and they all speak English. If they don’t, you can always point.”
“What about JFK in Berlin?” I asked.
“What’d he say? What’d he say?” Asked the Donald.
“Ich bin Ein Berliner. It’s famous.” I said.
“Famous to pointy headed people. Not to ordinary Americans who were embarrassed. Why couldn’t he say, ‘here I am in Berlin’? ” asked the candidate.
“Because he didn’t say that. He said he was a Berliner, too. It meant we all are and we would defend them against the Russians.” I said.
“You see, that’s my point. Why couldn’t he just say that?” He asked. “Even the Russians didn’t get it at all.”
“Actually they got it real well, much better than if he had spoken English.” I insisted.
“Well we’ll have none of that. Bush has got to stop speaking Spanish and start speaking English, if he knows how.” He said.
“But he’s got a Spanish speaking family.” I said.
“Well no wonder if he’s always speaking Spanish. If he’d speak English, he’d have an English speaking family.” He said.
“I don’t think you understand. What could be better than a president who speaks the language of our southern neighbors, especially with all the problems we have there.” I said.
“So your solution is to pander to them. What do we do with Canada then, do we have to learn Canadian? You see, it would never end.” He said.
“Canadians speak English. It’s one of their two official languages ” I said.
“Well that sure solves it. Canada’s a great country. And they’ve decided to speak English. To get along with us. Not to pander. We should learn from the Canadians.”
“You’re right”, I said. “Bush should speak Canadian.” I said.
“I’m sure he will. Just to show off.” Said The Donald.
I said, “Au revoir,” and turned off my walkie talkie.
***
By MARQUEL: When in America Do Like Trump
Fantastic
Perfect pitch
ditto
ditto2
Marquel, you are the greatest!
Amazing grace, you’re SO funny!