Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Sex and Wedding Party Planning Section correspondent was staring at a picture of a dove when he read California Law on Sex Consent Pleases Many but Leaves Some Doubters. Under the state law colleges must require “affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity,” which can be verbal or communicated through actions. Equally important, consent to one act does not constitute consent to another act. You need another consent. Marquel wondered how this would affect love. After all, making love is an important part of love, and these regulations are going to make most of that time devoted to consent with very little left for love itself.
“Yes, we realize that, say, if a couple were to spend a half hour together in bed, and they follow the typical progression, about twenty seven and a half minutes would be occupied asking and getting consent to each part, and only about two and a half minutes to sex itself.” Said a spokesperson at Columbia. “But we actually think that is an uninteded advantage of the policy.”
“Are you saying,” I asked, “that this is a really anti-sex program, that if you can take up all their time with ‘can I do this and after that can I do that?’ you’ll think it a success if they don’t get to doing ‘it?’ “
“No not really, we know they’ll do ‘it‘ eventually.” the spokesperson said.
“So if they are eventually going to, why are you ruining it for them? You’re turning love into a merger and acquisition in which everybody’s freaking out about doing due diligence. They need consents, authorizations, licenses, assignments, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some smart kids don’t start marketing errors and omissions policies to cover all eventualities.” I said. “Do you think this is all part of the corporatization of America?”
“Of course not. We’re just trying to raise the awareness of our entire population that touching another person requires that person’s consent.” The spokesperson said.
“But with this idea that consent to one thing doesn’t imply consent to another makes the whole process both tedious and prohibitive. They’ll give up after the first time and go back to binge drinking which you also oppose. But they’ll have good reason” I objected.
“We didn’t know what else to do. If consent to a kiss means consent to being tied up and suspended while your partner quacks like a duck and pecks at your genitals, it would make a mockery of our goals.” She said.
“Does that happen often?” I asked.
“No we’re pretty much on track with our goals mostly.” She said.
“No I mean the duck s&m scene.” I corrected.
“I can’t really say exactly but let’s say it’s not uncommon.” She said.
“Wow,” was all I could say. “Let’s take a more normal encounter. The boy asks can I take off your shirt, she has to say yes clearly, right?” She nodded. “And then her bra?” She nodded. “And her shoes, socks, pants, and so on, can I? Yes you may, can I, yes you may, can I, yes you may?”
“Yes all that would be expected.” She said.
“What about changing positions?” I asked.
“Have to ask permission.”She said matter of factly. “It really depends on whether different contact would occur. But that’s usually the case.”
“How about moving back to the original or a previous position?” I asked.
“Sure she might have changed her mind. Maybe it was unsatisfying.” She said with a mocking expression.
“What about an emergency?” I asked.
“We have nothing about emergencies. What could possibly happen?” She asked.
“Maybe a cramp,” I said, “it happens.”
“We haven’t considered that. For most things you have to ask if you can do it.” She said.
“Whew,” I said, ” I don’t want to be indélicate, but if I went through all that asking ‘can I,’ I’d eventually be asking myself ‘can I’, and I don’t know if you’re aware, but that’s the first step to finding out ‘I can’t.’ But I guess you’d consider that an unintended benefit also.”
“Oh no, I would sympathize.” She said.
“While smiling,” I remarked.
She didn’t respond.
“What about if you asked ‘can I’ at the start to everything, separately or together, and waited for her to just answer, ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, oh God yes!’ at the end? Would it matter whether there were enough yeses to cover the ‘can I’s’ ?”
In theory they’d have to match, yes.”
“And this is all to avoid unconsented sex?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “We want to stop that completely.”
“Almost everyone does. Except for guys who engage in it. Don’t you think they’re just going to skip the ‘can i’s’ ? Aren’t they the type of guys who won’t care? If they don’t care about rape, will they care about the rules you’ve made up?”
“That is a problem for which I have no answer.” she said.
“It seems to me if you’re going to destroy the joy of sex and love, you ought to be sure there’s going to be some benefit. A big benefit, depending on how you feel about sex and love.”
“Well I’m not anti sex, I’ve just always been turned on by drawing it out. This should really draw it out. Everybody will enjoy it, I assure you!” She said, her eyes glowing.
“Some people like to just jump in bed and get to it,” I said.
“They’re missing the best parts.” She insisted forcefully.
“Like the duck part?” I asked.
“Absolutely. You’ve got to try it.” She said.
“What makes you think I haven’t?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” she said, “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, God, yes.”
***
BY MARQUEL: Of Wordly Bondage
Fantastic. This is not where we need legislation. This is just distraction
Well summarized. Excellent piece, Marquel
Duck s&m? Love your crazy mind, M
Loved “yes, yes, yes, God yes”
Me, too. Always have.
Yes, Marquel. You nailed it. This is the problem:
“Whew,” I said, ” I don’t want to be indélicate, but if I went through all that asking ‘can I,’ I’d eventually be asking myself ‘can I’, and I don’t know if you’re aware, but that’s the first step to finding out ‘I can’t.’ But I guess you’d consider that an unintended benefit also.”
And how are the girls going to fix that? I guess it will involve more TV watching