With Mitt Romney the presumptive Republican nominee for president, the battle for undecided voters with Barack Obama has begun, and nothing is more important to the Romney campaign than showing that their candidate can empathize with America’s Joe Sixpacks. Thus far Romney’s attempts to prove his understanding of how the average American lives have seemed hollow and clumsy, but he recently briefly sat down for an interview with ThePotholeView to set the record straight. Below is the unedited interview:
TPV: Thanks for agreeing to this, Mr. Romney.
MR: Not at all. And please, just Mitt. Mr. Romney is my father. Did I mention that he marched with Martin Luther King?
TPV: Of course, Mitt. And yes, you’ve mentioned that—it still seems that he didn’t, but we can move on.
MR: Remember, Martin Luther King. My father—that’s a pretty normal thing for a presidential candidate to mention, right? Not elitist…
TPV: Well, the issue is still whether or not it happened, but I don’t know if it sounds elitist.
MR: I wouldn’t say it if sounded elitist, and it was a real talking point around the polo club when I was a kid. We all discussed marching on Washington with Dr. King, and helping him and his less fortunate folks out back then. They may say we’re out of touch in Grosse Pointe, but in my hood we know what’s happening.
TPV: Fascinating. So you are still trying to address the concerns that you may be out of touch with regular voters’ concerns?
MR: Absolutely. We need to prove to the American people that we feel for them. A lot of Americans are out of work—and who better to relate to them than a job seeker such as myself? That’s a joke, of course, but the fact is that I am seeking a job, just like the unemployed are.
TPV: Well Mitt, I still have to say that joking about seeking work for you may not show the empathy that a lot of voters would like to see.
MR: Listen, I could not have more empathy. I’m no Obama, with his elite, privileged uprbringing and never a thing to worry about. The guy is more comfortable behind a lectern at Harvard Law School than speaking with your average Joe.
TPV: Coming from your background, which includes Harvard Law School, that’s quite a statement.
MR: I feel comfortable making it. When the American people get to know me, they’ll see who’s out of touch.
TPV: So, for example, when you discuss sports, and things like Nascar, you don’t think you sound removed?
MR: In the world of sport, which I’m a big fan of, by the way, the American people understand that I may not know individual drivers, but I have established relationships with all the major sponsors of cars. Ford? The Romneys own plenty of Ford stock. Castrol? We buy oil companies. Dow chemicals? How I made my first $100 million.
TPV: Again, sir, I’m not sure…
MR: And the list goes on. Bain Capital sold the land for five of the Nascar racetracks, created an offshore vehicle to collect the income, avoided U.S. taxes, turned the capital around to purchase new American companies, liquidated them and raided the pensions to double our returns. If Obama has economic experience like that he’s kept pretty quiet about it!
TPV: He has indeed. So you believe average Americans will accept that you understand their concerns?
MR: How could they not? What’s more American than growing up as the son of an auto company CEO, doing missionary work in France, getting two degrees from Harvard, and earning an honest living through private equity leveraged buyouts? It’s the American dream. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go strap the dog onto the roof of the car before we drive to our next event. Ha, ha, just kidding. There’s plenty of room inside the Gulfstream for the dog.