Silence Is Deafening in Bridge Report. At least Marquel Cannot Hear Anything

Shortly after the bridge scandal hit, NJ governor Christie commissioned an internal report by some outside lawyers, for which New Jersey taxpayers paid several million dollars, The NY Times reports. Marquel looked at the 350 page report and thought that was a lot of pages–or, you might say, hourly billing–just to say two, or possibly three, words: “he knew” or “he didn’t know.” So Marquel did the only possible intelligent thing. He tossed it in the trash. But not without first removing the 100 page appendix which contained a transcript of the governor’s testimony. Here it is.

L(Lawyers): Good morning Governor Christie
C(Christie) Who?
L I said good morning
C What did you call me?
L I said good morning, Governor Christie
C Prove it.
L it’s sunny outside, see?
C I know it’s sunny, dammit, prove I’m who you say I am.
L We’ve met many times. This is the governor’s mansion, it says governor’s office on the door, and right next to your fist is a little sign that has your name on it.
C (silence)
L You are Governor Christie, correct?
C I don’t recall
L Well this it’s a little silly. Why don’t we just proceed under the assumption that you are who you appear to be?
C That seems reasonable but note the absence of proof.
L Duly noted.
You are familiar with Mr. Wildstein?
C I don’t recall
L You appointed him to the Bridge Authority.
C What’s that?
L It’s in charge of almost all the bridges and tunnels connecting New Jersey to New York
C To where?
L New York
C Can’t say I know the place.
L It’s unimportant
C That’s probably why I don’t know the place
L No it’s not important whether you know New York. But it is an important city.
C Prove it.
L Let’s just assume it.
C Okay but…
L Yes I know it’s unproven. Let’s go on
On the day of the bridge closing did you have any discussions with anyone or did you hear or were told or did you learn in any way that the George Washington Bridge had several lanes closed?
C Watcha got to eat here?
L We have coffee and doughnuts and bagels.
C There are no doughnuts.
L We ordered three dozen specially. They were just here. Governor you ate them.
C I don’t recall.
L We all saw it happen. You ate them. Have a bagel. Now, as I was saying, did you have any such information or knowledge on the day in question?
C I can’t recall. It was a very hectic day.
L In what way?
C In what way? Why are we paying you all this money? $450 an hour, twice that if travel is involved, $.30 per page of paper, $175 hourly for junior associates, $15.70 mileage, …
L How can you remember all that off the top of your head?
C I don’t recall. But I’m good with figures. These bagels are funny. Just like doughnuts but hard as rocks. Look at the little hole in the middle.
L Governor, please answer our question. Transcriber, please read back the question.
[Question read back]
C Well for crying out loud, what are you here for? I imagine it was a hectic day because of the lane closing.
L So you knew about the lane closing?
C I don’t recall.
L So it was a hectic day because of the lane closing, you were aware of that, but you don’t recall if you knew?
C Perhaps I knew it was hectic but I didn’t know why.
L Weren’t you curious?
C Undoubtedly. I’m a hands on governor. I probably asked people why it was so hectic that day but nobody told me.
L You asked people why it was so hectic and they didn’t say the George Washington Bridge is a mess?
C Not that I recall
L Let’s go on.
C Not without more bagels.
L Governor, you just ate three dozen bagels. On top of three dozen doughnuts.
C Not that I recall.
L We all saw it.
C Tell me what you saw.
L I saw you consume three dozen doughnuts and three dozen bagels.
C Did you see me pick up each one?
L Well I wasn’t counting but I saw them slowly disappear, actually rather rapidly.
C So all you know is that they disappeared.
You have no personal knowledge of what
happened to any individual doughnut, nobody told you about a particular doughnut, all you know from personal knowledge is that they disappeared, right?
C Technically that’s true. I saw six dozen pastries and now there are none and only the two of us plus this nice lady here are in the room. I assume you ate them all.
L You see? Same with me. One moment the bridge was fine, the next it was hectic. I don’t recall a thing and just like you, I knew nothing.
L I think we’ll end this interview here. It’s going nowhere.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

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Marquel considered the testimony. He wished he had just one bagel or one doughnut in his small office. His thoughts ran to Scott Fitzgerald. The powerful, he thought, are different from you and me, but you can all follow Marquel on Twitter @MarquelatTPV.