If you didn’t already look like a jackass, well here’s your shining moment. For all those putzes who thought they were so “roots” by running around in a pair of the “Barefoot Running Shoe”, the father company, Vibram, is finally admitting that these shoes don’t give you all (make that any of) the benefits they marketed when they fooled you into buying their so-called shoes, because you happen to be gullible and believe the scienceish PR from running shoe companies:
Strengthen muscles in the feet and lower legs
Improve range of motion in the ankles, feet, and toes
Stimulate neural function important to balance and agility
Eliminate heel lift to align the spine and improve posture
Allow the foot and body to move naturally
The idiots that developed “Barefoot Running Shoe imply that your pair of old tennis shoes is “unnatural”. The knuckleheads are trying to reverse all the years of technology that have gone into creating proper footwear. A more sarcastic man than myself might quip:
You mean we invented shoes for health reasons?
I can only imagine the Vibram folks thinking (or whatever they do) that the government tries to brainwash you into buying “unnatural” shoes. What these acai-drinking-gluten-free-Paleo-dieting seem to have forgotten is that just because something resembles “cave man” doesn’t mean it’s either purer, or going to make you stronger, ergo, live longer. If these dolts stopped to ask, why do marathon runners wear shoes?, maybe they would begin to question the validity of some of Vibram’s claims.
Or, maybe I’ll just start selling purple dyed glue, and market it as
“This ancient recipe has finally been revealed. Scientists have invented a way for the poison from the highly deadly Caladium plant to be ingested, just like the natives from Amazonian tribes have done for centuries. This Acai infused Caladium paste can be eaten plain or spread on fruit or bread. Eating it will improve strength, focus, eyesight, calm nerves and in general prepare you for a longer life! Get Caladium today!”
Would you buy my product (a gallon for $10) or would you Google this scienceish PR from a man eager to make a buck? If you choose the first option, please call.