[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ic4xp6oQZAw[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Men’s Studies Section correspondent was trying on Calvin Klein underwear, when he read Man’s Genome From 45,000 Years Ago Is Reconstructed. The genetic material, extracted from a Siberian fossil, supported a hypothesis that early humans interbred with Neanderthals, and their interaction occurred between 50,000 and 60,000 years ago. With the complete genome we now know as much about Neanderthals as about ourselves. Marquel went down to the genetics institute to see what was discovered.
“Well,” said the director, “it seems that these Neanderthals spent a lot of time drinking beer and watching humans play games.”
“You can tell that from genes?”
“Genome studies have advanced geometrically in the past few years. Sometimes we can even tell a person’s name.”
” So what was this one’s name?” I asked.
“We’re not sure. That gene isn’t talking, so to speak, but we know it rhymed with Flit.” He said.
“What else have you learned about these people?” I asked.
“We’ve learned directly about the men, only indirectly about the women.”
“Do you know how they lived?” I asked.
“Bits and pieces. We know they lived in caves or tunnels and that many men were forced to sleep outside occasionally. We also know that it was during those times that the men wandered off and bred with humans.”
“What about the women?” I asked.
“We don’t have a woman so it’s more speculation. But if the men weren’t around, anything’s possible, yes, and the genome evidence show that female to human matings occurred at almost the same rate and in the same nights.” He said.
“You can tell that from the genes?” I asked with disbelief.
“Yes with micro carbon dating. Lots more accurate than normal carbon dating. We can get things down to the minute.” He said.
“So we’ve got men and women fooling around.” I interjected.
“Much more than that. We’ve found that Neanderthal men were not good at cleaning but Neanderthal women were exceptionally tidy.” He said.
“That too from genes?” I asked.
“From a combination of evidence including excavations.” He said. “Neanderthals lived simply but borrowed much from humans.”
“You mean stole,” I said.
“Not necessarily. From the genes studies it looks like only a few females reproduced regularly with humans, and that one or two Neanderthal men were almost always present. That’s when they seemed to have borrowed the most from humans.”
“Really,” I said, “were those men called pimps?” I asked.
“Gene studies wouldn’t allow us to reach such a conclusion.” He asserted, “but we do know that small groups of Neanderthals often raided human habitations and slew many of the inhabitants.”
“Why would they do that if they were so adept at “borrowing?” I asked.
“Some things are very obscure but most of the raids were revenge for reported attacks by humans, who were actually quite peaceful.” He said.
“You can tell that that from genes?” I asked.
“Yes that’s the easy part. We can even tell that in the majority of cases, the human attacks never occurred. They were simply purported fictions useful to justify a raid.” He said.
“What language did they speak?” I asked.
“Well the humans, of course, were very Babelistic speaking heaven knows what. But the Neanderthals uniformly spoke French.” He said.
“That’s impossible,” I said.
“It would seem so,” he admitted, “but the evidence uniformly supports it and, I might add, explains why the human women found the otherwise unattractive Neanderthal males rather sexy.”
“What do you conclude then from all of this?” I asked.
He paused, grinned, and said, or asked, “plus ça change?”
***
BY MARQUEL: EVOLUTION
Crazy funny!
really, M?
“”Bits and pieces. We know they lived in caves or tunnels and that many men were forced to sleep outside occasionally. We also know that it was during those times that the men wandered off and bred with humans.”
I cannot go on reading. I am just laughing:
“From a combination of evidence including excavations.” He said. “Neanderthals lived simply but borrowed much from humans.”
“You mean stole,” I said.
“Not necessarily. From the genes studies it looks like only a few females reproduced regularly with humans, and that one or two Neanderthal men were almost always present. That’s when they seemed to have borrowed the most from humans.”
This is stupid. Who reads this nonsense?
What are you talking about?
How can you read this:
“Well the humans, of course, were very Babelistic speaking heaven knows what. But the Neanderthals uniformly spoke French.”
I guess you only speak French!
Loved it.