Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Mutual Admiration Section correspondent was flying paper planes when he stopped to blow his nose and to read the Times. He read Offering Services, ISIS Digs In Deeper in Seized Territories . ISIS is in for the long haul, creating a citizenry either beholding to it, or even in admiration of it, by offering traditional municipal services and more.
“We would first conduct an assessment.” One said.
“Normally we’d put you in a small military unit and send you on a few raids.” He said.
“We find many depressed people are cured by the assessment itself.” He said.
“We would consult with those who were in your unit and ask them how to cheer you up.” He said.
“Surely. We send people to the mosque quite often. You might spend two or three weeks at the mosque, praying, studying, feeling better.” He said.
“We would speak to your family, your extended family, and ask for suggestions.” He said.
“This sounds like a very serious case to go that far. We would have you fitted for a vest.” He said.
“Oh it always does. Nobody comes back from that depressed.” He said.
“Well we would send you on a mission. After the explosion, there’s not enough left of you to be depressed. Maybe a hand or a knee, but it’s a little silly to claim that a knee or hand is depressed. I’d say your depression would have been cured.” He said.
“Basically same procedures. First a small unit, one for you, one for your wife. Then, the mosque, Then if there were still problems, two vests. one for you, one for your wife. We would send you on the same mission to help you bond.” He said.
“ISIS is very progressive. You’ll find many new practices you won’t find elsewhere.” He said.
“We have that quite often. The first is a military mission…”
“So we’ve found. We get almost no four year olds whose parents bring them in because of school phobia.”
“Allah and ISIS. We are the new caliphate. Strong Muslims, Strong state, well adjusted citizens.” He said.
“You’re ignoring the intensive therapy I’ve just described.” He said.
“Well I’m not. I’d like to ignore it but I’m afraid you’re telling the truth. That’s hard to ignore.”
I couldn’t ignore it and I spent the whole night awake thinking of it. Sometimes you just know you’re right. And my vests don’t explode. They’re Brooks Brothers
By MARQUEL: ISIS Assessment