Marquel, TPVs NYTimes When No Doesn’t Matter Section correspondent, was walking slowly in the midday sun when he read that ISIS Enshrines a Theology of Rape.
Claiming the Quran’s support, the Islamic State codifies sex slavery in conquered regions of Iraq and Syria and uses the practice as a recruiting tool. Perhaps most importantly, the article discussed ISIS’ well-developed bureaucracy, a hint that it is entering modernity, despite the rape detail.
A growing body of internal policy memos and theological discussions has established guidelines for slavery, including a lengthy how-to manual issued by the Islamic State Research and Fatwa Department
The Islamic State Research and Fatwa Department! Oh Lordy, thought Marquel, this was too much to digest in one article. The Research and Fatwa Department! Who runs it, how do they do their work, or “research,” what do they do with Fatwas? The questions are endless. Marquel was determined to discover it all.
According to the department, it is okay, even encouraged, to rape non believers. It brings the rapist closer to God (I suppose so He can smack him in the head for being so brainless and soulless). There doesn’t seem too much thought devoted to “research” into what it does to the victim. It brings her a lot closer to the rapist, Marquel supposed, and if the rapist were closer to God, then…Who knows. Marquel suspected this wouldn’t be a highly intellectual project.
Getting into ISIS territory was a bit hairy but some Israeli friends drove Marquel in a military truck across the border into Syria where ISIS and its Fatwa Department were located. They agreed to stay nearby in case I got into trouble. When I left them and walked into the village, I realized it wasn’t a truck, but a tank, and it had been totally repainted as a Good humour truck with decals of all my favorite choices on the side. I heard its bell start after a while. What could they be up to?
All I was told was that they would be watching me go in and go out. If I were in trouble, I should just run out and not worry they might shoot at me.
“We’ll take care of it. Just run like hell,” said somebody with stripes on his sleeve.
The kids were already lined up buying flying saucers and toasted almond pops.
I still didn’t know what ISIS was up to.
So I went down to the village and asked.
“We do all the religious research, issue opinions, and approve fatwas.” A bearded man, with a flaming florid complexion and more pimples than normal flesh on his face, told me.
“And disapprove some?” I asked.
He shook his head. And his beard. “No. Our job is to approve fatwas, not disapprove them. Otherwise, what would be our function?” Asked the old man.
“So you have a nice setup. Big offices, computers, pretty girls helping you. Pretty boys helping them. It’s like a business.” I said.
“Well the Department of Research and Fatwas is sort of the backbone of ISIS. Without it, it would just be a bunch of Arab terrorists.” He said.
“And with you?” I asked
“Well with us, ISIS is not just terrorists. It’s us too.” He said.
“So you don’t do terrorism?” I asked.
“No. We make sure that terrorism is authorized by the Koran.” He said.
“That’s the research part.” I said.
“Well yes and no. There’s really not much research required. For instance if someone wanted to cut off your head, I would just have to write, ‘this beheading is authorized by the Koran’. If it were something more important I might have to write, ‘this is authorized by the Koran and Mohammed himself.’ “
“So let’s get to the point. Do you think rape is a Muslim thing to do?” I asked.
He shuffled through some papers. “I have it right here. ‘Rape of the infidel is authorized by the Koran and Mohammed himself.’ ” He said.
“What are you reading from,” I asked.
“This is a religious ruling issued by the ISIS Department of Research and Fatwas.It’s quite authoritative.” He said.
“But that’s you,” I said, “Why did you write it? Do you think rape is like tea or pork or coffee or some other nebulous thing you can rule is halal or not? It’s a crime against God!” I exclaimed.
“No. Rape is permitted against non believers. It is not so bad. Sometimes, ” he said, his eyes seeming to roll in their sockets,”I think I might like to be raped myself.” He moaned.
“Have you ever even…been…with a woman?” I asked.
He took off his glasses and wiped them on his dirty robes, then put them on again. “I am a religious man.” He said.
“I don’t know what you’re saying but I’ll take that as a no.” I said.
He looked at me. He waited.
“So the head of ISIS says he wants some women raped, and you give him a religious authorization. What are your qualifications? You know nothing about women, nothing about sex, fantasize about a homosexual relationship with some dom and you are qualified to tell Muslims to go out and rape women?” I asked
“Did you just say I’m gay?” He asked.
“I don’t know if you are or not. But you have gay fantasies.” I said. “Only you know what’s going on in that pimply head, if anything.”
He jumped up. “That is blasphemy. You are an infidel. You should lose your head!” He shouted. He started scribbling on a pad.
It took about a second, maybe less to realize it was time to run. I was out the door and could hear others grabbing guns and knives. What if they started shooting. But there was no time. A huge blast went flying over the building. Suddenly fireworks, real fireworks, started flying. And the good humour bells were going like crazy. I reached the tank-truck, and it was surrounded by kids getting cones.
They rushed me inside, told the kids good bye, and sped down across the border.
“What would you have done if they shot at me?” I asked.
“They couldn’t. All their kids were with us. They would have killed their families. The fireworks made it even more distracting and the one shot we took was way over the village just to give you a good head start.” The guy with the stripes said.
“They were going to cut off my head,” I said.
He shook his head. “They do that. Would you prefer to be raped?” He asked.
“I don’t think you get a choice. But I did meet someone who’d like that choice, I think.” I said.
“Takes all kinds,” he said.
“No I don’t think so. Sometimes there’s a limit.” I said, feeling anything but multicultural.
***
By MARQUEL: ISIS Multiculturalism
You did it again, Marquel. Excellent piece. Horrible story.
Pitch perfect
Ditto
Ditto2
It’s hard to resist generalizing, and all religions have their vicious members. But considering that ISIS is a Muslim product and sort of the Crusades no other religion has condoned such mass atrocities, you draw the conclusion
Man,they research their atrocities. That’s what I call being thorough