Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Stupid Bigotry for Soi-Disant Religious Reasons Section correspondent, Marquel read NYTimes: States Weigh Legislation to Let Businesses Refuse to Serve Gay Couples closely and knew it wasn’t limited to gay couples. These laws will allow a businessman to refuse entry to customers who offend his religious sensitivities. Marquel went to visit various religious merchant associations to see how they saw things.
At the New York Baptist Merchants Association, several owners owned chic clothing sites by the seaport. Marquel asked if they intended to exclude people who hadn’t been baptised.
“Certainly not,” was the answer.
“So you’re not going to take advantage of this law?” Marquel asked.
“We will but not by excluding people.” He showed Marquel an empty fish aquarium.
“Baptisms.” He answered. “Customers will have to be baptised to leave the stores because it’s offensive for a Baptist to sell to the unbaptised.”
“Yes while they’re paying and checking out. It’s a ten seconds process. We have plastic gowns to cover their clothing and they can be out in seconds. They’ll be baptised while they’re waiting for their credit cards to go through.” The offended Baptist said.
“We are very offended if people come in and say something derogatory about the West Bank or if they’re terrorists who say Salaam to each other.” A man in typical chasid black dress said.
“Not if they’re terrorists,” he declared.
“If they’re speaking Arabic.” He said.
“We don’t want anti Semitism breeding in our stores. If any one says Jews don’t belong in the settlements, out they go.” The chasid said.
“Well it’s my store. Not in my home, not in my store.” He said.
“No it’s my private house.” He countered.
“Well now I’m inviting them out if they’re anti Semites or terrorists.” He said.
“That’s not easy to say. There are so many doctrines that are important to us. Divorced people definitely stay out. People who use condoms. Gays.” the cardinal said.
“Except for members of the clergy,” he added.
“We won’t let in people who believe in evolution.” He said.
“It’s right here,” he said, pointing to the credit card form. “When you sign you agree to pay and also agree that evolution is a false god and that global warming doesn’t exist.” He said.
“We believe all politics is religious.”
“I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess I will.” He said, making my stomach hurt. My own best friend.
“Well Marquel I don’t have too many religious principles. But I think I now belong to the Charlie Hebdo Church of Inner Light. We don’t like people who try to impose their values, religious or otherwise, on others. Anybody does that in Mufi’s Noodle House, they’re out of here,” he said, pointing to the absurdly spacious main dining room.
“Oh no, we’ll just move them to one of the private dining rooms where I can have a nice dinner conversation with them, try to change their ideas.” He said.
“Of course not. That would be imposing my ideas on them, exactly what we’re opposed to. So instead we’ll have a talk and elevate the idea of rational discourse.” He said.
“For the same reason you’re the only one writing about it. We’re the last optimists on the planet. And maybe the last communists too.”