Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Panic and Hysteria Section correspondent was reading the list of ingredients in Purell to decide the risk he took in case of drinking it, when he read Doctor in New York City Is Sick With Ebola. Dr. Craig Spencer, who returned from Guinea last week, remains in isolation at Bellevue Hospital Center. Authorities are tracing anyone who might have come into contact with him recently.
And then what, thought Marquel. Nobody has ever contacted Ebola casually, not in a bus, even crowded African ones, not in a subway, not in a bowling alley. Until somebody had active symptoms (elevated temperature, nausea, diarrhea) you couldn’t even extract an Ebola virus from their body. So what’s with the headlines? Marquel thought it was the Purell generation, the feeling that everything had to be sanitized and antiseptic, which of course produces problems of its own.
But Marquel had never seen a headline about one person being sick before. It was something to investigate. The people who seemed the most concerned were at Fox News, where they’d come to refer to Ebola as “the Obama disease,” the way syphilis was once called “the French disease.”
I sat down with one of their headliners, who requested anonymity “because this is a sensitive subject.” I was told.
“But why is it so sensitive?” I asked. “Only one person has it, the other nurses who contacted it here are recovering, and only one man from Africa who landed here already with fullblown Ebola, has died.”
“But it’s an epidemic waiting to happen.” I was told. I thought for a minute.
“In other words, It’s not an epidemic.” I said.
“That’s silly,” I was told.
“Well I’ve been reading a lot about Ebola,” I said.
He immediately put on a face mask and wiggled into a full body suit.
“What’s the deal?” I asked.
“We believe people who read about Ebola are likely to contract the disease.” He said.
“Well, I’ve also done a lot of reading about West Africa…”
He interrupted me, “you should be quarantined.”
“Because I read about Ebola and West Africa?” I asked.
“You’re darn right,” he said. “First you read, then you get sick. Ebola is not like any other disease.”
“Apparently,” I said, “I’ve never heard of such nonsense.”
“Do you realize,” he said, “that this is a terrorist’s dream? You just infect a dozen or so operatives, send them to our major cities to ride public transport, and you’ve won the war.”
“Well just being infected and riding public transport has never hurt anyone except the carrier,” I said. “To spread the disease in the F Train, for instance, he would have to start vomiting on all the passengers, spread diarrhea on everyone in the train, and he’d have to do that before he collapsed from the disease itself and died. And you call it a terrorist’s nightmare?”
“What are you, some kind of commie?” He asked.
“Some kind. The kind without Ebola. Let me tell you, if Isis wants to contract Ebola, I think we should help them.” I said. “This is hysteria. The headline said one person is in the hospital with Ebola. Have you ever seen a headline saying somebody got bit by a bee today? Or that someone else got the flu? This is crazy.”
“Bitten by a be is different. This disease kills you. You haven’t a chance.” He said.
“Well so is a car going 35. 80% die. Go 25, 80% live. Should we put all the cars that go 35 in the city in quarantine? Or just the drivers?” I asked.
He hesitated, then said, “Both. But only if they drive here from West Africa.”
I looked at my phone which was buzzing. A news story said the bowling alley where the infected doctor had played had 2-300 patrons. I told the Fox guy. “You know there are two hundred or more people from that bowling alley who all used bowling balls and now I’ll bet you wouldn’t want to shake hands with any of them.”
“Bet your life. They should all be quarantined.” He said.
“But there are hundreds of them, black, white, brown, mixed, all colors, all different, different sizes, and you want to lock them all up?” I asked.
“You bet,” he said.
“Quarantine all those people,” I asked, “just because they shared the same huge space?”
“No, not the people,” he said. I looked at him in his full body suit and head mask. I was perplexed. “The bowling balls. Quarantine them all.” He explained.
I’d reached my limit. I read that the doctor was in stable condition. I hoped that continues. Patients here seem to do better with Ebola than in Africa. Not surprising. Unless you’re from Fox news.
***
BY MARQUEL: The Purell Generation
You’re on a roll M. Fantastic!
I love it
You have big cojones, M so suggest
“No, not the people,” he said. I looked at him in his full body suit and head mask. I was perplexed. “The bowling balls. Quarantine the balling balls.
We all know Marquel has big cojones. Bravo
Thanks for writing about this hysteria. It is a hysteria epidemics!
perfect pitch
ditto
ditto2