TPV’s Times’ Correspondent Debunks Colorado’s Thirst for Guns

Assailant Dead After Shooting at Colorado School, The NY Times reports. Gun manufacturers lament inability to market survey killer but say, “on the whole we’re pretty satisfied.” Saying that Colorado is the armament industry’s domestic Israel, they praise the state’s easy access to guns and their devotion to the free market.

Reacting to TPVs shock,  Reinhard LaPierre, the new PR mouthpiece for the industry said,

Look, we don’t like kids getting killed any more than the next blue blooded American. But we tried monkeys and baboons and chimps, but Colorado said we can’t kill them. Basically, they said if we want our weapons tested, kids are the only permissible target “

What do they test?

We’re always researching. We don’t stand still. And I’ll tell you, in Colorado you really don’t wanna do that! We try all sorts of stocks, sights, autoloaders, magazines, loads, calibers and everything. That’s why we would have liked to ask this young man, and because he liked guns so much I’ll bet he was a helluva kid, exactly why he liked this model. Market surveys are important to us. Death is not good for market surveys. You can’t do ’em posthumously!

Why does Colorado have this history of shootings?

“Well, said laPierre, “we spend a lot of money to keep Colorado pro gun. It’s a lot like Israel. Except for the kippahs. A little money goes a long way and they’ll try any weapon we sell them. Talk about market surveys!”

But what’s the point when the kid shoots himself?

“Well,” he answered, “at least we know the weapon appeals to the suicidal. That’s important market info.”

And beyond that?

This is Colorado. They’re absolutely nuts. If I called them all nincompoops, the nincompoops of the world would be up in arms, so to speak, over the insult. And remember that they form an important part of our consumer base. About 95% or more, to be exact.

So that’s it?

“Oh no. As I said we’re pretty satisfied but not entirely. We have to wait for the next shooting. It won’t be long. This is Colorado “

For the Times’ real expose, go to http://nyti.ms/1hRNEEv.

For the movie, Coloradians watch every night watch below:

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