Here, each hole starts on Wednesdays and this is what fell through this past week, in more than one way or day:
On Wednesday, August 27, Iranian cleric Ayatollah Naser Makarem Shirazi made international news when he ruled that 3G phones and high speed Internet on mobile devices should not be allowed until the proper tools are created to prevent corruption.
I am not against technology, the turbaned old man said. I am against Western technology.
But only hours later, news came out that Iranian men can use 3G. Asked about the cause of his change of mind, the suddenly unzipped man said,
“Jennifer.”
When TPV asked Perez Hilton what Jennifer blinded the old man so badly that he could not find the zipper in his … Roman robe, the U.S. Guru of the Nude and Famous said
“Jennifer Lawrence.”
In light of this sudden Westernization of Iran, TPV suggests to have our military drop 8×10 colored pictures of Jennifer’s naked body over the ISIS territory in Iraq and Syria. TPV bets more unzipping ( wink wink) will happen, ergo, less beheadings.
On Thursday, August 28, the US media reported that two years ago, Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber signed a bill that granted the multibillion-dollar company known as Facebook an enormous tax break on its data center in Prineville, Oregon. When TPV asked those media corporations why now, they said, because now was the time for Facebook to lobby for a similar “Facebook bill” in New York State as well. Gov. Cuomo was on board with the request.
On Friday, August 29, continuing the reporting of old news, the Boston Review published a piece on why we should interfere in Syria: The Syrians revolted against Assad without outside help. They just had it with the secular dictatorship and decided to go for a fundamentalist one. The piece said nothing about the editors’ pressure to publish it because a presidential candidate really wants to send troops there so she can prove Obama wrong.
On Saturday, August 30, the federal government worked overtime to make sure that federal courts documents would not be accessible to the public under the existing PACER system any longer. A new improved system would soon be in place. Until it becomes available, people are asked to be good citizens and hold their horses.
On Sunday, August 31, the Texas Tribune reported that a Virginia-based financial group Common Sense Principles had launched an online campaign with a revamped website to help defend embattled Texas Gov. Rick Perry following his indictment in Texas on abuse of power charges.
The newsworthy part of the reporting was that the Virginians used to spend that money to oust Democrats in New York elections. Was Perry as bad as a New York democrat? Would that be Cuomo?
On Monday, September 1, hell had no fury like Valerie Trierweiler scorned. Hollande -the guy with the blue tie – chose the younger of the two women pictured here. Trierweiler‘s new book on her more or less intimate relationship with Hollande of France was just published.
The book says nothing about how Trierweiler used to play the role of Julie Gayet to the Hollande -Ségolène Royal couple.
On Tuesday, September 2, pictures of Brangelina’s wedding and Jennifer Aniston crying were reportedly published by Hello and People magazine after paying a record $20 million. That money was reported to go to charities set up by the Brangelinas, such as: Be happy you are not us otherwise you’d have the burden to waste shitloads of money! More charities were expected to be named beneficiaries.
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BY DANA NEACSU: TheWeekholeview: How Jennifer’s Body Saved the Ayatollah
Uhm, nice potholes, I meant – now I know what it means when they talk about a picture being worth a thousand words. Nice words, too. Liked, zip…
[Also liked: I am not against technology, the turbaned old man said. I am against Western technology.]