[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECVGN4Bsgg[/embedyt]Marquel, the NY Times TPV Best in Show section correspondent, was washing his sandals, when he read Want to Touch a Dog? In Malaysia, It’s a Delicate Subject. The backlash by conservative Muslims over an attempt to widen appreciation of dogs has underlined the fault lines between Muslims and other groups in Malaysia. Many Muslims consider dogs dirty. Recently secular Muslims have been trying to counter this by having fairs and asking people if they’d like to touch a dog.
It hasn’t gone over well. The conservative Muslims claim the secularists are trying to destroy Islam. “These dogs are not Muslims,” said an imam in Malaysia. “They may not be touched. The penalty is beheading.”
“Are you telling me,” asked Marquel, “that if somebody touches a dog, they will be beheaded? ”
“Yes, once we catch him,” responded the imam, “we will behead him, under Sharia law.”
“What do you mean by, ‘catch him?’ ” Marquel asked.
“They run fast.” He answered.
“The dog or the person?” Marquel asked.
“Normally the dog,” said the imam.
“And you behead the dogs?” I asked.
“Certainly. Those dogs are not Muslim.”
“I don’t really understand. If you touch a dog of any kind the dog is beheaded, or only non Muslim dogs?” I asked.
“Muslim dogs can be looked at in a non sexual way,” but that is the limit.” He said.
“How do you know that a dog is Muslim?” I asked.
“Normally, outdoors, it will be wearing a burqa.” He answered.
“And touching it means it loses its head.” I suggested.
“Yes.”
“But you can look at the burqa-clad dog in a non sexual way without danger, to you or the dog.” I inquired.
“Not me. I don’t look at dogs,” he insisted.
“But anyone else. And how can you look at a dog in a sexual way?” I asked.
“The same as any sexual look. If you look beyond the eyes, you are evidencing a sexual intent, and you both lose your heads.”
“What about the tail?” I inquired.
“We leave that alone. It is a dog’s tale. Dirty. Especially non Muslim.” He answered.
“What if it’s a large dog, wearing a burqa, and you think it’s a person. Can you touch it?” I asked.
“Men and women are not allowed to touch unless married.” He said.
“What if the dog is wearing the same type and size and style of burqa as your wife? You touch it. You still think it’s your wife until it barks. Then what?”
“Then you must go to the mosque and pray for thirty days.” Said the imam.
“And the dog?”“Don’t be silly. For the dog, seven days suffices. They have less to say.” Said he.
“Nobody loses their head?” I asked.
“Normally no, unless the relationship was consummated. Even then the head is usually untouched”
“And, Allah forbid, if it were consummated?” I asked.
“Then the punishment is dictated by Mohammed‘s own words. ‘They are to lie as man and dog for eternity.’ ”
“Really? He’d better really like that dog.” I observed.
“Yes, intensely. But some make happy Muslim couples.” He said.
“Why is that, do you think?” I inquired.
“Muslims are very comfortable with arranged marriages.”
***
BY MARQUEL: How Can It Be?
You are crazy but funny! I still love you…but you’re crazy
Really Marquel? “”Then the punishment is dictated by Mohammed’s own words. ‘They are to lie as man and dog for eternity.’ “
I cannot stand you and still I read you…I guess it is my fault.
OMG: YOu didn’t say it!
“How do you know that a dog is Muslim?” I asked.
“Normally, outdoors, it will be wearing a burqa.” He answered.
oy
I have rarely read something more bigoted than this:
“Muslims are very comfortable with arranged marriages.”
Do you know who likes arranged marriages? The 1%. Try to marry one of them: all arranged. What about Mormons? The same thing. What about Orthodox Jews. Same thing. So, why pick only on Muslims? YOu are bigoted. ANd so are all these fools reading you!
Oh shit. we have a moralist among us…I’m scared. Please don’t tell mommy
Go trick or treat. Happy Halloween
Before you criticise you should have your facts straight. You have them wrong. Members of my own family are married to the 1%. Mufi was at one time married to a Vanderbilt. No arranged marriages there. What the 1% have is many marriages, not arranged marriages. Next, if you followed us you’d know we already did the Mormons a while back and the Jews seem to be perpetual targets. Because they’re funny. Muslims would be funny too but they have to stop all those beheadings and mass murders. We just did the Christians. We got the Presbyterians also. We’ll get the Catholics soon when we figure out something funny about pedophilia. Most importantly, and get this if you get nothing else and even if you don’t read us again: the pothole is the most censor free zone on the internet or anywhere. It is satire. We make fun of everything. Even we cringe at what we write. It’s called free speech. Embrace it. It’s the road to truth. And I promise you we’ll get the atheists eventually. If only they would kill more people.
Way to go! Loved this piece. On mothers day we went to our mother’s grave (she was buried upstate New York). My kids, dogs and few other family members also came along. We were hanging out remembering the good time we had with her when a gentlemen came over and scolded me for bringing dogs in the “Muslim” cemetery.
My response was simple: these dogs are more faithful than you will ever be. I will leave you with my favorite song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H17edn_RZoY