Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Area 51 Section correspondent was hungry and he decided to read about Lawrence Lessig Ends His Long-Shot Presidential Bid.
Marquel read the news and suddenly realized that Lawrence Lessig had been running for president. He called Mufi, who was busy soaking some live frogs in brine before slaughtering them for a special sauce he makes.
“Yes,” said Mufi, “I just heard. He was running for president. Nobody in the restaurant even knew about it. But now we know.”
Others contacted by Marquel had similar reactions.
Even the Dean of Harvard, where Lessig teaches, said, “Amazing! I’m so proud to learn that one of our faculty was running for president. I think I’ll give him a raise.”
“Well,” said Marquel, “I hear he raised a million dollars for his campaign”
“In that case I’ll give him a raise and solicit a donation. A million, huh?” Said the Dean.
Marquel called CNN.
“We just heard he was running. Well we heard he withdrew actually. But that means he was running. We don’t think it’s possible to withdraw without running first. We’re inviting him to participate in the next debate to make it up to him.” They said.
“I don’t think that if he withdraws, he has much to debate,” said Marquel.
“That really doesn’t matter,” they said.
Marquel called the Sanders campaign.
“Lessig? Who’s he?” Asked an intern.
“He’s withdrawing from the race,” I said.
“What race?” She asked.
“Presidential. He just announced he’s withdrawing” I said.
“No kidding? He’s not running huh? Who else is not running?” She asked.
“I guess just about everybody except Bernie and whatshername.” I said.
“You sure?” She asked. “Are you running?”
“No,” I said. I thought about it for a bit and added, “actually I’m withdrawing .”
“You too?” She asked. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, that’s a definite.” I said.
“I’ll tell Bernie. You should call CNN.” She said.
“Why?” I asked.
“They’ll probably invite you to participate in the next debate.” She opined.
“Nah,” I said, “they’ve already invited Lessig.”
“Three’s a crowd,” she said.
“I don’t think I want to see that. I’ll stay home. Go tell Bernie.”
And that was the end of my presidential run. And that guy from Harvard, whoever he is.
By MARQUEL: Lessig Was More and then None
Gosh, Marquel, you’re on a roll. Amazing piece
Lessig is an idiot. A liberal idiot but one nonetheless.
Love the way you write. Love your satire!
I loved the raise joke.
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