The student, who identifies as a girl, had not been allowed to change and shower in the girls’ locker room without restrictions. Apparently she has identified as a girl since toddlerhood. She plays girls sports and is always treated as a female. But when suiting up for soccer, she must use a bathroom or a curtain in the locker room.
Marquel didn’t see the problem. “Why not just put stalls in the locker room? I’ll bet plenty of girls–and boys–are uncomfortable disrobing there anyway. I know I always was. 130 pounds, a shortage of a lot of manly accessories, all those 200 pound football and lacrosse players who looked so old they could probably qualify for Medicare…. What’s wrong with stalls?”
The coach disagreed, “you can’t have a locker room with stalls. That’s not a locker room. At best it’s a changing room.” She rolled up the towel in her hands and proceeded to flick it at me, or rather my nether quarters.
“Ouch” I said.
She smiled. “Exactly. That’s what a locker room is for. Everyone naked together. Team spirit.” She said.
“You can’t have team spirit without seeing each others dohickies?” I asked.
“I’d say it’s impossible.” She said, flicking the towel randomly around the room.
I pondered that and said, “So when they go out to play, they’re all naked for team spirit. Can I come watch? When’s the next game? Can I bring my friend Mufi? He’s harmless. When he’s unarmed.” which wasn’t true because he can kill with two fingers, literally. But that’s another story.
“Don’t be ridiculous. They all play in full uniforms. That’s the point of the locker room.” She said.
“To humiliate and thereby build team spirit?” I asked.
“No to get dressed.” She said.
“But I thought you needed nudity to build team spirit.” I said.
“Naked to initiate it, towel flicking to build it, and then when they’re dressed and leaving, pats on the butt and some derogatory comments about the ugliest girl. Unless she’s really a good player, then you tease whatever gay girl who has come out.” She said.
“And without that?” I asked.
“You lose. No team cohesion, no good plays and no fun without teasing someone lesser than you.” She said.
I thought about this. I said, “Well I’m sure if you tell the judge exactly what you just told me, you’ll win your case.”
“Yes I know. I intend to.” She flicked a passing student. The girl cried out, giggled, and fled. “She’s my favorite,” she explained.
“I don’t think we’ll go there,” I said. She looked at me puzzled. “So basically there’s no issue here. You’ll win this in court.” I suggested without conviction.
“Yes legally I think we’re fine. Sportswise we’re perfect. Just a few logistical problems.” She said. I raised my eyebrows. “All the boys in junior high school and up are coming to school in skirts, falsies and sweaters, claiming to be transgender.”
“They get to change in the locker room?” I asked.
“Our lawyer says we have to.” She said.
“So it’s bedlam in the locker room.” I suggested.
“Not exactly. As soon as they start flooding in, I start flicking them out.” She said.
“So the boys’ ruse hasn’t worked?” I asked.
“With all except the cheerleaders boyfriends. They say they like having them around. They even want stalls. I said no, never.” She said.
“Well,” I said. “Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. And whatever will be…whatever.” I left. “Ouch” I said.
***
By MARQUEL: Sacrilegious
Why was that girl hitting you with the towel?
Marquel, your interviewees do not like you.
Funny piece
Perfect complement to my morning coffee
Loved it