[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98BIu9dpwHU[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NY Times Accidents-Waiting-To-Happen Section correspondent, was unpacking his lunch, when he read Amazon Asks Permission From F.A.A. to Test Drone Delivery System. Amazon is getting serious about delivery by drones, and asked the F.A.A for special permission to test them outdoors. Although the F.A.A. announced last week that such drones will not fly in US airspace, Amazon petitioned the agency and threatened to do it in some other country if the F.A.A. refuses.
This was a story too bizarre to be missed. The company that frequently misdelivers, delivers two weeks late, or not at all, wants to take to the air to commit its follies. For once a government agency used some common sense saying, in effect, “until your trucks find the right town, don’t even think about doing it over our heads.”
But Marquel wanted to know what the devil was really happening. And since he’s always in the details, Marquel went to DC to learn them.
At the F.A.A., Marquel sat down with an assistant director. “Are they going to be doing this in the air eventually or are you serious about forbidding them?”
“Dead serious. We have enough trouble with piloted small aircraft, why would we send them up without pilots? Our view is that aircraft require pilots. If you’ve got no pilot, you can’t take off.” He said then looked at me seriously and almost defensively continuing, “that’s kind of common sense, don’t you agree?”
“One hundred per cent,” I answered. “Do you think they’d really expect your approval?”
“I don’t know what game they’re playing,” he said, “but when they threatened to go elsewhere we said, ‘good, we’ve got some suggestions for you.’ “
“What did you suggest?” I asked.
“We told them to do their experimenting in Afghanistan.” He said.
“What’d they say?” I wondered.
“They got real smart alecky and asked if we had any other bright suggestions.”
“And you said?”
” ‘Sure’, we said ‘you could also try Pakistan and maybe Syria. The Gaza Strip also might not notice your model airplanes falling out of the sky.’ “
“Good suggestions,” I said. “Why are they so obsessed by this?”
“I can only guess.” He said. “They have problems with their trucks. Sometimes they get stuck under underpasses, sometimes the drivers fall asleep. Sometimes they get lost. For some reason they think a drone wouldn’t do all those things but they do. And more.”
“For instance?” I wondered.
“Amazon doesn’t seem to realize it, but you need a driver for a drone too. They get tired, lost, and make mistakes. Look at the targets in Afghanistan that got hit totally by mistake.”
“Which one?” I asked.
“Whoops,” he answered, “I think that’s classified. I’m not supposed to mention it.”
“That’s okay. They always have collateral damage anyway. ” I said.
“That’s a good example,” he said. “The analog to that is if a drone were delivering to your house and crashed into the neighbors. I wouldn’t trust a company to fly a drone that can’t drive a truck.”
“What else might happen?” I asked.
“Amazon hires a lot of young people. Techies and such. Have you seen them lose interest in a game they’re playing? Imagine one piloting a drone. It’s a lot of fun till it gets boring. He walks away. The plane and your CD go on until it crashes out of fuel three towns away. We can’t risk that.” He said.
“What else?” I urged.
“Drone is programmed to fly at 1000 feet from Newark to Brooklyn. The nitwits that work for Amazon punch in ‘-1000’ instead. It takes off, and then aims for 1000 feet below sea level, crashing into a row of apartments on the west side.” He said.
“That sounds possible, actually,” I remarked.
“The list is endless. Ever get a misdelivery? Amazon does it all the time. Instead of your new CD lying against your front door, you find a collapsed eight foot drone there.” He said.
“I’d rather have the CD. What would I do with a drone?” I questioned.
“I’ll tell you what. We talked about it a lot. First you tell them you didn’t get your CD. They ask you if you received anything else by mistake. You say yes, an eight foot drone. They say please return it and send you instructions. You go outside follow the instructions, have no idea what you’re doing, heave the thing in the air with its motors going, it crashes into a skyscraper, we’ve got an international incident, and the president invades some innocent country.”
“That’s happened before. ” I said.
“It has?” He asked, “which skyscraper got hit?”
“No,” I corrected “I meant invading an innocent country.”
“See that?” He asked. “See how easy misunderstandings occur?”
I nodded agreement and left. I kept my eyes out for errant drones but all that happened was a pigeon that dropped something wet on my shoes.
***
BY MARQUEL: The Postman Never Rings
