Home By Marquel The Piggy Bank

The Piggy Bank

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Money, Money, Money, Section correspondent, was realizing how amazing must have been to by Louis XIV, when he stopped for a bathroom break and read The Families Funding the 2016 Presidential Election.

According to the #Times, 158 families have provided most of the funding for the presidential campaigns this year.  Those families will be rich after the election.  But since most of them are almost trillionaires already,  they will just be richer. Now they’ll be able to buy things that have always been just out of reach.  Like the 7th arrondissement, and perhaps Versailles.

But it gets better.  Or worse.  Marquel,  using the investigatory, fiscal skills, and mostly forensic analysis, taught to all journalism school students,  where Marquel never attended, discovered there was a larger story behind this large story.

Marquel visited Forbes,  which did the initial research,  and searched through the printouts. He was #Woodward AND #Bernstein. In fact when the statistician brought him the documents he said,

“Here you are Mr. Marquel,” to which Marquel responded, “I’m #Woodward #Bernstein,” Marquel couldn’t make it.

The statistician raised his eyebrows and said simply, “Okay Mr. Bernstein.”

Marquel sat down and went through the papers, taking copious notes. Then he spent hours going through the notes. Then several hours correlating the notes and the papers followed by an hour of drinking a quart of Old Rip Van Winkle Tennessee bourbon. Marquel felt ready.

The first thing he noticed was the Clinton Foundation. Big giver. Marquel felt he was into something big. He looked at the list and a pattern started to form. He couldn’t be sure. He had to sit back and allow the numbers and letters lead him. It wouldn’t work if he decided to force it. A name came into focus. It was second on the list. The Foundation Clinton. He started to laugh. So transparent. The Clintons! They were so far the two biggest donors. To themselves! And hardly disguised from Marquel’s powers of investigation by a simple word reversal.

 The pattern was emerging. He found the Bill Foundation and the Hillary Foundation instantly. What did they take him for, a chump? Then he saw the Monica Foundation, the Sometimes A Good Cigar Is Only A Good Cigar Foundation, and the White Dress Foundation, followed by the Not-So-White Dress Foundation. These were fronts for the Clinton family! For Hillary. The Bengazi Foundation. Wherever he looked, he found suspiciously Clinton related fronts. Out of 158 so-called families, 148 were Clinton. The remaining ten might be the #Koch Brothers, who knows?
But Marquel kept looking for patterns, using his skills at mindfulness to remain in the moment and get to the bottom of this hellhole of corruption.
The last ten came into focus. The Woman Scorned Foundation, the Bubba Foundation, The Rodham Foundation, The Women Are Fickle Foundation, the For #TPP Then #AgainstTPP foundation, and finally The Against Gay Marriage Then Four Gay Marriage Foundation. All 158 Clinton fronts. They were funding their own campaign while claiming that they had the support of at least 158 or so different families.
Marquel packed up his things and said good bye.
The statistician said, “come back again, Mr. Bernstein.”
 Marquel corrected him, “I’m Mr Marquel. I had to come in and replace Mr. Woodward Bernstein. Something about the #Tonkin Gulf. Thanks very much.”
The statistician blinked but said nothing. Marquel wondered whether he should go straight home or go to JFK and fly to Stockholm to receive his prize.
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By MARQUEL: The Piggy Bank
hik

5 COMMENTS

  1. You can’t make something so devastating, that we are in a casual society, funny. I’m terrified

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