The New York Times reports Palestinian President Says He Can Accept 3-Year Transition Period. Marquel discovers that Israelis accept, because it took God one week to create the world. Israel will take 156 of those weeks.
In a startling act of generosity, prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, after consulting with biblical experts from Bar Ilan University and Ariel University (the latter located in the West Bank outside the Green Line), said, “We’ll take it. And I’ll tell you what. We’ll knock off two weeks, no, four weeks, a whole month off of that.” Cryptically, he added, “And we’ll throw in the Bose sound system.” Assistants on both sides of the table were scribbling furiously, while looking at their counterparts with questioning eyes.
“Time is relative,” said Bibi, “and who values relatives more than anyone? The Jews! We can live with this. Two years and eleven months. Who’d a thought it? And we haven’t quite decided when those three years start.”
Yehuda Ben Trayf, the minister for religion, added,
A good starting point would be when Mashiach (Hebrew for the Messiah) arrives. It would be both a start and an ending.
Mr Abbas, the Palestinian leader, said he would accept a starting point that ends at the beginning. His aides chuckled, with victorious glint in their eyes. Abbas was heard whispering to his aide de camp, Mohammed ibn Sulamein, “what’s this Mashiach business?” Ibn Sulamein shrugged. An American expert leaned over and whispered in his ear,
It’s one of those crazy holidays. My Hebrew never got to the holiday chapter.
ben Trayf said, “Time will not matter when He comes.”
American experts were similarly satisfied. The Palestinians were heard asking each other,
Who’s coming…?”
One of them said,
The caterers. I think it’s the caterers. I’m starved.
Bibi smiled and said, “So it’s settled, then,” clapping the Palestinians on the back while his aides positively sparkled with joy, making v signs with their fingers under the table.
The Palestinians, however, seemed slightly wary.
“What about the right to return? We haven’t settled that question. When do we get to return?”
Bibi, who was leaving the room, turned and announced,
When the soldiers leave, you can all come back.
Abbas looked ecstatic.
“This is the most historic of days, praise Allah! We will all return to live with our Hebrew brothers in peace.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Bibi. “We’ll all meet at my bubba’s house. She makes quite a spread. But remember, not until Mashiach!”
“I’ll bring the bagels. We can wait,” said Abbas.
“That’s good news,” said Bibi.
The Americans were all huddled in a corner, unrolling Jewish calendars. One called out, “I found it. Here it is. Pesach (Hebrew for Passover), right?”
A colleague answered, “Something like that. Yeah, that must be it.”
They joined the dancing in the street.
Love your portrayal of Bibi. What name is that anyway? Bibi? Is he a toddler?
Loved: “The Americans were all huddled in a corner, unrolling Jewish calendars. One called out, “I found it. Here it is. Pesach (Hebrew for Passover), right?””
I love your humour, bro’. “Mr Abbas, the Palestinian leader, said he would accept a starting point that ends at the beginning. His aides chuckled, with victorious glint in their eyes. “
This is such a touchy subject. You did a splendid job of pointing out how ridiculous the Israeli position has been….and this is not the only article you wrote on this topic. Bravo! I don’t know how popular this site is, but I do hope you get some readership (you get me! 🙂
It’s funny. You made up this :”“what’s this Mashiach business?” Ibn Sulamein shrugged. An American expert leaned over and whispered in his ear, “It’s one of those crazy holidays. My Hebrew never got to the holiday chapter.”
But that’s the level of American expertise wherever we go. So, I guess it’s sad funny. Or funny sad…
I’m a Jew, and pretty ashamed by all the Bibi takeover of our land and life, and culture and everything we stand for in Israel.
Liked or loved. Unsure: ““Time is relative,” said Bibi, “and who values relatives more than anyone? The Jews! We can live with this. Two years and eleven months. Who’d a thought it? And we haven’t quite decided when those three years start.”
First Andrew, now, Bibi – who are you Marquel when you’re not digging the potholes…
You’re ballsie. Guy or girl. I like you.