Home Americanism Among the Truthiest People Marquel’s Ever Met Is Hillary

Among the Truthiest People Marquel’s Ever Met Is Hillary

hillaryMarquel, TPVs NYTimes self-promotion correspondent could not believe his smile while reading Clinton Takes Responsibilty for Benghazi In New memoir, “Hard Choices.Hillary Rodham Clinton also pushed back against accusations that she tried to hinder a Republican-led investigation into the deadly assault. The most interesting however are the chapters she has yet to release, one, for instance, titled “Why John Kerry would make a terrible president.” When asked whether the book was less a book and more an election document, the Clinton team said, “we honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

So Marquel decided to write it down so that the Clinton team knows what he is talking about. The chapter on John Kerry starts out with the sentence,

“Among the ugliest people I have ever met, John Kerry also has the most astonishing hair style, a kind of 50’s pompadour. And he wants to be president? I say, ‘hah!'”

So Marquel is convinced that this self-promoting book is just another one of the shouts for attention that Hillary makes when she gets nervous about her presidential chances. Her chapter on Benghazi, fully the equal of all the other chapters in the book, is being released this week to make sure it is out before Congress opens its hearings next week on that same subject. Why not release the “Kerry is ugly” chapter, or is that going to have to wait a bit?

Marquel is lucky that his friend, Mufi, who works as chief cook at a restaurant on Bayard Street, had a prepublication copy of the document. Marquel sat down to a dish of freshly made noodles that Mufi had made by hand yesterday, and a fat manuscript containing all of Hillary’s latest thoughts.

The chapter on Monica Lewinsky, for instance, seems, well, marginal. It starts out,

“Among the ugliest people I have ever met, Monica Lewinsky also has the most astonishing hair style, a kind of 50’s tease-me bubble.” It goes on to say, “And she wanted to sleep with the president? Puuuuulllease. She’s the kind that spends the rest of her life sleeping with a cigar, and thanking god for that fat pile of tobacco.”

Marquel found it difficult to tease out the relevance of the Lewinsky chapter. I thought it was all over, but apparently, it’s not over for Hillary despite the next chapter, entitled,

“Why it’s time for a woman president, and why only a president named Hillary could carry the weight of that achievement.” In that chapter, she claims that women “are more balanced, less aggressive, and more likely to let bygones be bygones.”

That mirrors her claims in the next chapter, entitled, “Why women are better than men, even though men are fine and shouldn’t feel defensive about this chapter.” In that chapter, Hillary claims that women are immune to kicks in the crotch.

“That is a key vulnerability of men, not shared by women, and furthers the argument that a woman president would be able to tolerate the violent world of international politics.”

But I have never heard of a president being kicked in the crotch. Hillary doesn’t say that women are immune to gunshots in the head, which seems to be the kind of claim that would certainly say something about women presidents. Perhaps, although Hillary hints it’s not true, women can be shot in the head as fatally as men. If so, we won’t find out from this book.

The next chapter seems to be an attempt to distance herself from Bill’s most outrageous failings, entitled, “Why I never slept with Bill and never will.” Hillary doesn’t fully explain Chelsea’s existence or parentage, except for the introductory phrase, “Despite Chelsea.” Among the reasons that Hillary lists for not sleeping with Bill are that she doesn’t like cigars, Bill is sensitive to kicks in the crotch, and, finally, “he tends to leave his semen on your dress, which is hell on dry cleaning bills, or storage payments, whichever is your preference.” But again, Hillary seems to find Bill less than handsome, saying,

“Among the ugliest people I have ever met, Bill also has the most astonishing hair style, a kind of John Edwards layered and expensive look. And he wants to sleep with me? Not during this lifetime.”

She includes a chapter on the press, a rather dangerous thing to do for an aspiring presidential candidate. She opens the chapter by saying,

“Among the ugliest people I have ever met, journalists also have the most astonishing hair styles, a kind of 50’s non sequitur, either a military style crew cut, or a shaggy late 50s hippie look. And they want respect?”

There are twelve or fifteen chapters I haven’t even mentioned here, but the tone of it seems to be to promote Hillary’s presidential chances, no matter how ineptly. So, Clinton team, next time I ask you a simple question, have a simple answer ready. You can always use the Hillary formula. Tell me how ugly I am, how my hair style hasn’t changed since the 50s (it hasn’t) and ask whether I expect to get an intelligent answer from a team named Clinton. No, not during this lifetime.

That’s the kind of answer I can respect.

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10 COMMENTS

  1. As with Bush on the DWI one, I think it counts as truth if stuff comes out (“technicolor yawn”)
    Bravo Marquel

  2. I don’t know I’m dwelling into Bush either but Hillary is like Bush. Both pretending to be tired when they were actually just bored. But be fair, about Bush, it’s hard to play at being a bureaucrat when in your soul, you are an artist!
    I don’t know Hillary’s excuse for being so inept.

  3. Perfect pitch: This is exactly Hillary’s position on Kerry: Why him?

    “Among the ugliest people I have ever met, John Kerry also has the most astonishing hair style, a kind of 50’s pompadour. And he wants to be president? I say, ‘hah!'”

  4. I’m neither a feminist nor vulgar, but I do love your piece. Funny, and Hillary is embarrassingly vacuous

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