Home By Marquel As Good as It Gets in the War on Terror

As Good as It Gets in the War on Terror

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsJ_PkplZrE[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Fool Me Once Section correspondent, was considering purchasing a Bush Fils portrait on eBay, when he read  U.S.-Led Raid Frees 8 Qaeda Hostages From a Yemeni Cave. All Americans are missing.  The freed captives were six Yemeni citizens, a Saudi and an Ethiopian, who were unharmed, Yemeni officials said in a statement. Unofficial reports are that the American captives were replaced with ordinary Pakistani citizens in order to fool the American rescuers.

American officials put spin on the story, claiming that Pakistani newspaper boys are “essential to preserve freedom of the press” in Yemen, which hasn’t had newspapers in 37 years. Mad magazine, which is still sold on newsstands, for lack of real newspapers, claims Alfred E. Newman is still being held hostage and that the American Rangers purposely left him in captivity because he was “un-American.”

Marquel realized that this was news management. Instead of a headline reading, “American rescue fails, Special Ops outfoxed,” we get “American rescuers free Yemenis.” Marquel wondered how Al Qaeda managed to make fools of our boys.

Marquel went to Queens to talk to the Yemenis. He found then in a ground floor apartment with one bedroom. There were 12 of them. It was sort of like living in a cave.

“So what happened to our rescue of American hostages? I don’t mean to belittle Yemenis but these were street people. Two squeegee guys, a few newsboys, and who knows what else.” I said.

“We do,” the Yemeni dozen said in unison.

“You do what?” I asked.

“We know who else.” They answered together.

“Tell me,” I said.

“My cousin, who’s blind.” Said one.

“They rescued a blind guy?” I asked. “Why would they keep a blind guy captive?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter. It was just one night and they saved his dog too.” He said, with his hands upraised praising something or someone.

“Well special ops guys have hearts of gold,” I lied. “Why was he there for just one night?”

“They were all there for one night. They heard the Americans were coming so they moved the hostages and went out into the street to replace them.” He said.

“And who’d they get?” I asked.

“Whoever they could find. The newsboys were right on the corner. As they took them there, some guys started to wash their windows so they grabbed them too.” He said.

“So, newsboys, squeegee guys, a blind guy. Anyone else?” I asked. They shook their heads no. But one came forward.

“There were two more. The nut man.” He said.

The others gasped, “the nut man too?”

He said, “yup, the guy who sold pistachios. They also got the chestnut guy.”

“So let me see. Two newsboys, two squeegee guys, the blind guy, the nut man and the chestnut guy. Is that it?” I asked.

“Yes,” they said together, “and the three kids.”

“Who were they?” I asked.

“The guards switched uniforms with them and gave them a gun to hold. It was broken” said one.

“And they were to…?” I asked.

“They were to get killed in the raid. And they did.” Said one.

“What kind of uniforms?” I asked.

“Police.” They said.

“Yemeni police?” I asked. They could see my shock so one explained.

“The police work for the government, sometimes for the rebels or Al Qaeda, depending if they’re available.” He said.

“So American special ops attempted to free American hostages, got fooled into ‘rescuing’ 2 newsboys, 2 squeegee boys, 1 blind guy, a dog, 2 assorted nut men, and killed 3 innocent Yemeni kids. That’s really what happened?”

The group shifted around uncomfortably. One said,

“But in the newspapers it was a successful rescue of Yemeni hostages. Isn’t that good?”

“I think that is, as they say, as good as it gets.” I answered.

8 COMMENTS

  1. The US is becoming the laughing stock of the 15th century folks who have a long way ahead to discover inside plumbing and co-ed.

  2. M, I have to tell you I did not see it coming. You are my journalist. God bless you amigo. This is superb:

    “Marquel realized that this was news management. Instead of a headline reading, “American rescue fails, Special Ops outfoxed,” we get “American rescuers free Yemenis.” Marquel wondered how Al Qaeda managed to make fools of our boys.”

  3. That’s in today’s news! M wrote it yesterday and the Times must have realized M knew the truth!!! M, you make it up and shame the Times .. this is a truly brave new world. BRAVO

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